I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
