dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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