areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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