The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
