Your dad touched me again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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