I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
