I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize