i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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