sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
