u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were destined to go to rehab together
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
