oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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