sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
