I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sarcasm needs its own font
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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