Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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