I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
