i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
