Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
