the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
