he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
