Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
