i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
