Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
