my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
