On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize