Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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