i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
third nipple confirmed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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