My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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