He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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