My first STD was from a foam party
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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