I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
