Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
