Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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