oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
