Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
