If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
