They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
