Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
