spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
