Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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