OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
