Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
