Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
