we're chasing vodka with high fives
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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