I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
