I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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