It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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