how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
