i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
