if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
