So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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