What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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