dude i'm inner monologue high
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
