So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
