she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
