Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
