I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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