I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
