If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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