I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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