I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
