You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
