worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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