I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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