I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
