i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
