The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
