My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sober January is a disaster.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
