tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
