C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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