dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
