so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
