having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh god it's open bar.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
