Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
