Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
