dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
