She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
