just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize