I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
