Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
